I've been laying in bed trying to sleep but racing thoughts and wet eyes pulled me into the den, so here I sit. I didn't plan on blogging today. It felt trivial after getting a call from my brother last night that our friend died in a car accident. But my instinct in pain is to retreat and reflect, typing understanding into my heart. Regurgitating what my heart is whispering is my way of wrapping my head around things, but deaths like these leave little room for reasoning. It just is. And it can't be undone. The sadness just is. And it ebbs and flows as it pleases. I think about how my heart sang over new life on Monday and how it hurts right now over one's end. I think about how I don't know how God works all the time, but that I do know He is in control and He is good all the time. About how present God is in the highs as He is the lows. I read in Hebrews that we have a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul to hope in, and I feel like that truth is wrapped around me right now. Tethered to a God who is trustworthy and unchanging, we will feel the lap of life's cold waves but will never get washed away by them. I am so thankful that Josh was a part of my family's life, a part of my favorite college memories, and the source of laughter and adventure for anyone who met him along the way. All my thoughts and prayers today are for his family, and for my brother and his friends, who walked alongside him and loved him so well.